Kai sawicki

Little Girl Grow Up & Dogs Get Old is a photographic project in which I am exploring my relationship with photography through animals. After being diagnosed with Autism during my MA in photography, I realised just how much it has held me back in my personal life, education and career. I have very rigid thinking and due to this I have taken what I have learnt about photography in education as rules The thing that drew me to photography in the first place was the freedom of creativity. During my MA I also realised that I have not really explored fine art/documentary photography in my practice. The only form of photography I really knew was commercial/fashion which led me to do my BA degree in Fashion Communication. I spent a lot of time wondering where I would be if I was diagnosed as a child but realised wishing the past would be different won’t change anything. Instead, I am going to give myself an opportunity to go back and explore what I feel I missed.  

Many neurodivergent people get comfort through animals for a lot of reasons. I have always loved animals and felt comfort when being around them. Every year for my birthday we would go to the wildlife park near where I live. I always had some form of animal in my life whether that was a dog, cat, hamster, fish, parrot or tortoise. I am using this comfort I get from animals to help me with this project as I am not usually one for changing or trying new things. 

The Livery…

I had the pleasure of visiting a Livery Yard in Swindon. I have never been somewhere so incredible. Not only because of all the animals but the beautiful artwork and land. As a girl I had horse riding lessons and I remember the excitement and fear I had being around these beautiful creatures. As soon as we arrived the noises and smells sent me right back to those memories. It didn’t take me long to see the community they have built of not just animals but also people. I envy the kids for growing up in such an amazing place. The dedication and love these kids have for their animals was lovely to see. A lot of them reminded me of myself.

After meeting Shaggy and Skooby in the initial phase of this project last year, I have developed a lovely bond with not only them but their human mum Michelle too. Although the boys are brothers they couldn’t be more different in personality. I have loved getting to know them more and more. This project has brought so much positivity into my life in so many different ways that I never would have expected. Meeting not only the sweetest dogs but also making new friendships. Me and Michelle are from different generations but it doesn’t feel like that. I have learnt that some things will only happen if you push yourself out of your comfort zone. I am grateful for this project helping me process realities of change and i’m looking forward to what is coming.

‘I Hugged a Wolf’ explores my battle with physical touch as an autistic woman. Through-out my life I have struggled with physical touch such as hugging. A lot of the time it makes me feel vulnerable and trapped. Sometimes it makes me feel how I imagine other people would feel getting hugged by a wolf. Contrast to my feelings on physical touch with people, I feel the opposite about dogs. I would happily sit and cuddle dogs for hours without a second thought.

I learnt the name for a group of rabbits is a Fluffle. I couldn’t think of a more appropriate word. I got to meet 8 lovely rabbits and their human mum Shakira. Not only does she works with animals but rescues them too. I don’t think i’ve ever seen someone so dedicated to their animals and it really shows. It was really fun seeing the different personalities and relationships between the rabbits. From hearing the heartbreaking stories of their past to seeing them live a very loved a pampered life was really special.

Shakira & the Fluffle

I met Shakira through facebook as I was looking for animals to photograph as a part of my ‘Little Girls Grow Up & Dogs Get Old’ project. We quickly began to bond over our love of animals, the 50s and just generally being quite different from most people. Both being neurodivergent women we discussed the parts that we love but also the frustration that can come with it. Shakira is so dedicated to animals, it’s quite amazing to see. Not only does she work at a vet where she see everything life and death have to offer but she has also rescued 8 rabbits that live with her. She uses her passion and knowledge to help educate and spread awareness on the care of rabbits through social media. Something that I didn’t know that she informed me is that although rabbits are the third most popular pet in the uk, they are also the most abused and neglected. 

Smoosh is one of Shakira’s rescue rabbits who had a heartbreaking start to life but has since been rehabilitated and loved by Shakira. We chose to showcase him for a special reason. Sadly, Smoosh is known as a REW, which is a red-eyed-white rabbit which unfortunately tend to be the most neglected and left the longest in rescues. This is due to many people thinking that the red eyes are scary or a sign of illness. Despite their beauty, their kindness and softness, they are unfortunately mainly used in animal testing laboratories.